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Monday, January 5, 2009
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
I don't write here much, because no one reads it? That cause-and-effect relationship could be backwards. But since my computer will soon be living its third life somewhere in the third world, I thought this would be a good place to record the thought I just had, so that I don't ever forget it.
In the past 12 months, I have worked for the following organizations: Bay State College, Endicott College, Newbury College, Ivy Tutors, Ivy League Tutors, Old School Test Prep, Red Key Tutors, The Boston Learning Center, Chelsea High School, The Runkle School, Dover-Sherborn Middle School, The International Language Institute, The Washington Center for Internships and Academic Seminars, The Falmouth Theater Guild, South End Settlements, StylePath, MIT G&SP, and LeadAmerica. I've had two apartments in two different cities, and 3 dorm rooms in two others. I have had 7 different roommates. I have been to 3 other countries. I got a new degree. I took two big yucky tests and aced both of them, hardcore. I've had 10 office desks. I've had 12 copy codes. I've had students in Chelsea, Cambridge, Dorchester, Quincy, Brookline, Chicago, Boston, DC, Alexandria and Dover. I've had 8 name tags on lanyards with swipe strips. I bought my first car. I paid off a third of my loans. I finally took a ballet class. I finally taught a dance class. And I discovered Diet Sun Pop. It has been a busy year. It has been a great year.
Now I will be taking 8 months off. I'm gonna go on an adventure. And it's gonna rock out. And then I'm gonna come home and stop leaving for a while. I'm just taking a moment, at the end of the year here, to be thankful for all my people and all my options. It turns out this is my grown-up life, and it's kind of a hot mess, but I'm unapologetic. Not everyone can be this fancy.
Tune in soon for the address of my adventure blog. There will be videos!
Current mood:  awesome Current music: Regina Spektor: Samson
Saturday, March 8, 2008
I made some decisions last week. Enough of this "maybe" nonsense.
Am moving to DC for the summer. May or may not be living in a crazy mansion taking care of 25 feral cats and some deer.
Am moving back to Boston in September, regardless of job offers in DC.
Am going on year-long world adventure. Leaving: December 26, 2008. Returning: December 24, 2009.
Will accept lecturing and guest speaker positions for the summer. Will not accept full-time offers. Australia? Still undecided.
So, you know, if you're wondering where I am, now you know. Also, if you know anyone who will let us stay with them in New Zealand or Vietnam, PLEASE let me know.
pieces.
Current mood:  devious Current music: Thriller
Friday, November 23, 2007
When we got back from Europe 3 months ago, I was disappointed that when I applied for a job as a personal assistant and didn't get hired.
This morning, I posted an ad online to hire myself a personal assistant.
Thanksgiving, you are one aptly named mofo.
Among the other things I am thankful for today:
- One of my clients thought today was thanksgiving and didn't show up.
- My 9am for tomorrow got cancelled.
- My bloodthirst for double-billed hours is being satisfied as we speak.
- The two cans of sugar-free red bull that I forgot were in my office until I got here.
- The fact that, according to the pamphlet on my desk, Yale has a gay student group called "Ya!Lesbians"
- Wagamama's yaki udon for dinner.
- the lack of parallelism in this list.
Happy Thanksgiving.
Current mood:  awake Current music: J holiday: bed
Friday, September 28, 2007
So, let's see. It's been a while. As most of you know, I live in Boston now. It has ups and downs. Ups: amazing job, living with my best friend, autumn, the man room, HMS Pinafore. Downs: the T, no happy hour, no insurance. Of course, dealing with the bar examiners is a down, but that follows me everywhere i go. I also still don't have a bed, so i sleep on like a plank. It's kind of hilarious.
Also, i went to Europe. That was good times. We saw some stuff and rode a lot of trains and ate a lot of ham and a lot of cookies.
Now, on to the reason I am writing. So, we have a TV. i didn't have a TV for three years, so once i got one, i basically started watching it all the time. And then i was at my parents' house for two weeks, where I really did watch it all the time. Like i would watch whole seasons of things in one day. Like a whole season of The Hills. (I know.) And a whole season of Dexter, which by the way, if you have Showtime, you should watch it because it is the creepiest, best show ever and i love it so much. And like for example, last night I watched the new episode of the Office and then i downloaded it so that i could watch it again today. Ok so you get the idea, i love TV and i'm amazed by it.
So, along with TV, i get to watch the ads. I love ads. I love them. I love magazine ads and billboards and the ads in the subway and point-of-purchase displays and cross marketing and giveaways and everything about them. I even watch the ads when I tivo a show, and i won't listen to internet or xm radio because it doesn't have ads. And one of the reasons I like them is because some of them are so ridiculous, and i think i secretly enjoy my hatred for them, because i like to imagine who came up with the copy. But usually it's because I don't like the product, and i imagine that the people who had to come up with the ad for it did it as like a joke they were playing on the client. Only the client didn't get it. I don't think that's actually what happens, but it's funny to me when i think of it that way.
Here's a few ads like that:
1. The Charmin bears. I know they had to get rid of that pervy dude who hid in the store squeezing toilet paper and winking, and i think that was a good decision. But i have so many issues with these ads. First, what happened to toilet paper? When did it become "bath tissue"? You don't use it in the bath, you use it for the toilet. And it's not tissue, it's paper. Ok that one is a little closed, but it's definitely toilet-something. Second, what is wrong with people that they need like super-crazy-absorbent toilet paper? Maybe i'm just doing it wrong, but are people just like peeing all over themselves? Third, I like the idea that you can save paper by using half as many sheets that are twice as thick. Times two, divided by two. See how that comes out the same? Amazing. Forth, why do I have to watch these bears shake their butts everywhere and poo behind trees? Seriously? But fifth, and most importantly, there's some new ad where the mom bear is vacuuming the little bear's butt because she is covered in toilet paper, and the ad is like, "don't you hate it when there's toilet paper stuck all over your butt?" WHO DOES THIS HAPPEN TO? Well, that's what i asked myself, until the ad answered it by saying something like, "good for even the biggest kids." So i guess the answer is, fat kids. Basically, if you can't tell, everything about this ad makes me furious. We won't even talk about the one where the boy and girl bear run down the beach to matching outhouses, because they are in love with their own kinds of toilet paper. Hates it.
2. Neutrogena face wash with the Heroes girl. "Washing your face is so boring, right? *Big yawn*. Washing your face can be boring, that's ok. It takes 12 seconds, if that. Tonight I will time it, and let you know. You can be bored for that long. Sing yourself a little song. It doesn't need to be interesting. It's interesting enough. But, ok, for arguement's sake, let's say that you really do get so bored washing your face that you can't take it. You've stopped cleaning yourself, totally let the hygiene go. It's just to boring. Ok. So the solution is... a different soap. Let's presume you were already using soap, back when face-washing was so boring that you couldn't possibly stand it. How will this one be less boring? I guess it could be more tingly. But if that's the thing, then the ad should be like, "washing your face is too un-tingly? *yawn*".
3. Those "cereal" straws you use to drink milk. So this is great, because this comes from the famous advertising school of use-a-brand-of-healthy-to-sell-unhealthy. It's "cereal" because it has elves on the box and it was made with wheat, even though it's hydrogenated oil and sugar with frosting in a roll. Other foods from this school include quaker oatmeal chocolate chip bars, tropicana orange juice popsicles, and any food containing bits or coating of "yogurt", which is just any creamy-colored sugar-and-fat coating they put on stuff. Sometimes it is dyed pink for effect. So this ad pitch is, how do we get our kids to drink milk? Give them a cookie full of frosting to stick in it and drink the milk through, which will get all mushy and disgusting. It's healthy, because it's cereal! Which is bad for you anyway, but whatever! Atleast you think cereal is good for you, and this is kind of tangentially related to cereal (has the same elves), so it must be good for you too! Barf.
Those are the most outstanding ones right now. I could go on and on with ads that i feel this way about, but these are the worst ones on TV right now.
That said, i'm going to watch the third Bring it On. Which also has that Heroes girl in it. She probably had to be in the movie so she could hire someone to keep her awake while she was washing her face, because before that it was so boring that she would fall asleep in the sink and almost drown. It's a good thing she has that exciting face wash now, because that could have been a national tragedy.
Current mood: cheerful Current music: TV
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
So last year i had to buy a copy of The Fair Tax for a tax policy seminar I was taking. The professor admitted that it was a ridiculous book, but it fit into a unit about selling taxes to the public, faultly logic, and "fair tax" ideology when correctly explained. For anyone who doesn't know, the book was written by Neal Boortz and John Linder. It only took a year for Mr. Linder to publicly admit that the math in the book relied on double-accounting, and pretty much all of the logic stemming therefrom was therefor faulty. Yet Neal still totes it out over the airwaves at least once a day. Awesome. And yet, coming from the side i've affectionately dubbed "Red Menace 2000," not shocking.
I tell you all this as build-up to the fact that I ordered the book on Amazon because it was cheaper than buying it at the school bookstore. And now amazon thinks i'm a republican. Not just a republican either - a stupid, greedy, ill-educated, self-important, god-fearing, reactionist republican. Otherwise known as "Republican 2000." Anyway so i went on there today to order something and look what amazon has for me:
1. Anarchy, State, And Utopia Paperback by Robert Nozick
2. Godless: The Church of Liberalism Paperback by Ann Coulter
3. Outrage: How Illegal Immigration, the...
So basically by taking an impressively unbiased tax course from an incredibly liberal (and brillant) tax professor, i ended up being marked with the scarlett R. Awesome. I think it's the only time i've seen Ann Coulter's name on my computer screen. The fact that someone at SU threw a pie at her when she was speaking there is one of the very few things that makes me proud to have attended that fine institution.
In short, Amazon thinks i like ann coulter. and it makes me feel dirty.
Saturday, July 14, 2007
So the bar exam is in 10 days. And when it's over; oh lord, when it's over. I've never really been a huge fan of studying. I would say I have done more studying in the last month than i did in the last two years of law school. Which, to be fair, isn't saying that much. I feel even kind of shallow taking it because i don't want to practice at all, so i guess i'm only taking it so that i can say that i'm a lawyer? Which is pretty dumb. So the other day one of my friends from law school asked why i was even taking it, and i was like, "well, i've come this far." And she said something like, "isn't that the same logic that got you to this point? Like, after 1L wouldn't you have just fled the country and never come back but for the fact that you'd come this far?" All i could say in response was that i've never been a big believer in sunk costs.
Also, i can only type with my right hand because my left hand is super burned. I put a bag of popcorn in the microwave last night, and when i went to take it out, burned basically my whole hand because the bottom of the bag had completely exploded. Let me tell you, if you are a popcorn manufacturer, and you dream up the last person on earth you want to be the person that buys an exploding bag of popcorn, it's me. I literally threw the bag down on top of the open barbri outline to the torts strict liability overview. Interesting. Good thing i'm not a litigious person. But i would really like to be able to close my left hand.
Also, I saw the movie Sicko today. And it was the first movie in years that actually made me cry. You should go see it, for serious.
And let me just say this. I think Paulo Nutini has done me a huge disservice. If and when "Last Request" encourages me to do very unhealthy things, i direct all blame to him.
I cannot wait until July 26th. Freedom, sweet freedom. It is so very close. And after that i enter a new stage of my life, which I used to call "funemployment," but, in the words of ramon, "after you're homeless i think it's just called vagrancy." What better time that 8pm to start a 12-hour criminal law review. And by "review" i mean "first-time glance."
Thursday, July 5, 2007
So first, happy 4th. Fourth of July in DC is pretty great for lots of reasons. I don't usually wax patriotic but i do enjoy a good reading of the Constitution now and again. Also it's fun to celebrate the ridiculousness of America while also recognizing that even in our current political climate, a person can put on a red unitard and a mask of President Bush's face with devil horns and dance down Constitution Avenue. This would be a better story if that person were me, but of course it wasn't.
Second, I'm studying for the bar and let me just say that I used to geniunely believe that there were stupid lawyers out there but now i really don't think so. This test and i DO NOT get along. I miss being good at school, seriously.
Third and most importantly: the mice. So i have a basement apartment on capitol hill, and it's infested with mice. It wasn't like a gradual increase in mice. It was no mice, no mice, omg a mouse, omgwtf there are mice up in everything. At least they bring out my creative side. I put together a (very unsuccessful) trap, created a unique escape route and plan involving me standing on my desk chair and rolling myself to the door using a standing fan as an oar to push toward the front door, i found a way to get into my school lounge at 2:25am, and i've also found that i can come up with a number of unique and surprising curse word combinations when provoked by these rodents. Honestly i'm a pretty tough girl and, like, if these mice would know their role it would be one thing. You want to live in the pantry and eat trebel your weigh each day of Special K? Fine. You want to come out at night and roam the kitchen? Not only is that a deal, but also I will throw in some peanut-buttery dishes for you to infest. Live in the walls and chew on the wires and run rampant in the insulation? Whatever, i'm a subletter; have at. But when you live under my bed and when you run across the living room during the middle of the day and when you can clear a house full of traps of bait in ONE HOUR without setting any of them off, and when you climb down the sofa and OVER ME, then we're done. Done, mice. Because i'm bigger than you and I have more money. I was also going to say "smarter," but they can eat the peanut butter out of the traps without setting the traps off, and I can't even set the trap without covering myself in peanut butter after springing the trap for the third time.
I hate these mice. I started calling them terrorists as a joke but I was right, they are terrorists. They've upset my mental well-being and ruined my life. I'm under siege. First they removed my ability to sleep in my own room and now i'm afraid they're taking my friends because ALL I CAN TALK ABOUT IS MICE. Here's a sample conversation:
Mark: so tell me about your trip!
Jane: ... do you think they're coming in through the fireplace?
-or-
Becca: Should we go back to the library of Congress?
Jane: I'm glad we finally caught a mouse, I was beginning to think I was crazy.
The mice are all I think about and all i know. My neighbors brought me all their leftover mouse traps. I only met these people today, so how did they know i needed mice traps? Because this was the conversation:
Jeff: Hi, I don't think we've met. I'm Jeff.
Jane: Hi I'm Jane. Do you guys have mice?
I seriously told their whole cookout about the mice. And then I made Jeff come over and check the traps! It's getting out of control. Like I've lost my mind. Not only to i check everything with a crippling paranoia but I jump out of my skin at like any movement or sound. I'm starting to be on par with the guy who lives on the corner by my house. I have more teeth than him, granted. And also more feet. But that dude can walk through a room without checking all the corners and muttering to himself. Or he would if he had a room. Whatever you get the point.
So that's pretty much my whole story. I want you to read it and think, "aww, poor kid has mice." And then you'll feel bad. Maybe you'll start to worry that your house is full of mice, and then you can join my frantic paranoia. Although I don't know if it counts as paranoid if like maybe 70% of the time I jump at something, it actually IS a mouse.
Unacceptable responses:
- "At least you don't have rats." I hate responses like this. Wow, now that i think of a potentially worse option, you're right, i -do- feel better. What is wrong with people who say things like this? Like you say "i lost my job" and they're like "well at least you had a job to lose." these are the "at least you have your health" people. Be grateful on your own time. It's whining time and (as long as it's not every day) your job is to listen and feel bad about it, or at least pretend to.
- "You can't kill the mice, that's inhumane. You should trap them and set them free." Deal. When are you coming over to trap them? There are like 50 and they are the fastest animals i've ever seen, can fit through a hole the size of a dime, aren't vulnerable to traps or bait, and don't care about food. But if you have some sort of pied piper skills, i'm ready. Only I'll be like that huge fat mayor in the old disney pied piper cartoon who promises the big bag of golf but then is like jk get out of my town. cause what are you gonna do, steal all the kids? Let me tell you, that is not a threat, that's a gift.
- "Don't poison them, they'll die in the walls." Don't care, not my house. want mice gone.
Acceptable responses:
- "No one cares about this. Shut up." I know!! I want to not care about it too. But i have this need to tell everyone about it. I talked to the clerk at CVS for like an hour the other day about this. I hate that i'm this person now.
- "Awww, sorry." Correct.
I've been sleeping on the sofa upstairs so i'm running on like 3 hours a night and i've basically gotten crazy. But now i'm going to row to the front door and make my escape. And maybe i'll give toothless Joe on the corner a leftover 4th of july cupcake.
Current mood:  hates mice Current music: Grits: ooh aah
Monday, May 21, 2007
so this was a big week. graduate, quit my job, move. actually that was all in the last 48 hours. good times.
the best thing about having your own apartment is there are no boys to make you feel bad about owning girly things, and no other girls to drive you crazy with all their stupid girly things (i know.), and no stupid kids to get everything all sticky and make you want to die. My favorite thing is my set of cabinets in the kitchen. Here's a complete list of what is in the cupboard:
- rainbow baby spoons with clay animals
- silver baby spoons: bunny and ostrich
- set of silver-rimmed glasses
- box of multi-color bendy straws
- set of animal glasses: cow, snail, bird, and hippo.
- set of animal bowls: monkeys, bunnies, cats, turtles, and whales.
- plates: 2 pink "hot chocolate" plates, 1 black and red can-can dancer plate, 1 fishes plate, 3 circus animal plates (teal, purple, and blue), 1 clockwork mouse plate, 1 conversation heart plate.
- 2 circus animal bowls
- 1 butterfly bowl
- one space owl mug, one sesame street mug, and one cheshire cat mug
- tropical fish and sharks and whales sprinkles
- "Abuela" hot chocolate tablets
- strawberry Whip 'n Chill
- huge thing of whey protein - vanilla
- almond, orange, vanilla, and anise extracts
- splenda
- stevia
- 8 rainbow-colored plastic boxes full of vitamins
- clear, orange box full of rainbow tiny drink umbrellas
- rainbow-colored nested mixing bowls
- clear plastic placemats shaped like strawberrys
- orange, purple, and green striped placemats
- bottle opener shaped like a duck head
- clear plastic cups with red, pink, and green puffy glitter hearts
- pink ice cream scoop
- heart-shaped ice cube trays
- flower-shaped muffin/cake pans
- lemon cake mix
- pink, yellow, and blue mini jello molds
- super-mini nesting colanders - red, blue and green
- shiny green box full of peppermint tea bags
- peanut butter
- silver candles
- paper napkins with music notes
- cloth napkins with strawberries
- candied pineapple, strawberries, and blackberries
- life savers
- C-light jasmine peach south american drink mix packets
- shiny purple box full of sugar-free jello packets
- big pitcher that says "chocolat"
and that, my friends, is the most amazing kitchen cabinet ever. and, so far, the best thing about my new apartment. oh also it has no family for me to take care of. oh also? i have never been this tired in my whole life.
Current mood: happy Current music: none
Monday, April 30, 2007
Does anyone remember the "cooperation" song from Sesame Street? "Cooperation, makes it happen! Cooperation, working together!" They are planting a garden in the city or something. Anyway, i sing that song while i study, except with the word "procrastination" instead. Which isn't funny, except at like 4am. And then it kinda is.
Inspired by the AV Club's "songs that make the A.V. Club cry," I put together my own list. It has 18, just like theirs. Just for you, ladies and gents. In no particular order:
1. Shelter, Ray LeMontagne
2. Easier to Lie, Aqualung
3. Sometimes you can't make it on your own, U2
4. Lose you, Pete Yorn
5. Creep, Radiohead
6. Hazey Jane, Nick Drake
7. Case of You, Joni Mitchell
8. Woodcut, Jenny Owen Youngs
9. The Trapeze Swinger, Iron & Wine
10. Stay in the Bar, Gary Jules
11. Somebody that I Used to Know, Elliott Smith
12. Cheers Darlin', Damien Rice
13. Black and Blue, Counting Crows
14. Mouth, Bush
15. Still Fighting it, Ben Folds Five
16. Another Lonely Day, Ben Harper
17. Whiskey Lullaby, Brad Paisley and Alison Kraus
18. I Just Don't Think I'll Ever Get Over You, Colin Hay
Those are some songs that will make you cry. I don't know why you'd want that list. In fact, now that I put it together, I want to get in my bed and like never do anything again. Also the list has been unfairly reduced to one Elliott Smith song, because otherwise it would just be a list of 18 Elliot Smith songs, and it wouldn't get posted because I would be lying under the table in the fetal position.
In other news, I am done with law school. Score. I mean i have finals but like, whatever, that shit is over. In a few weeks I'm moving to a new apartment for the summer, a few blocks from the capital building. I will be studying for the bar all summer. "Studying for the bar" is a secret code for "doing nothing," so please come visit. I don't have a couch for you to sleep on, but whatever, you're resourceful. Funemployment, here I come.
Current mood: content Current music: see List.
Sunday, March 25, 2007
so i took the kids to the park today to fly kites. Only robbie's kite wasn't really playing nice, and it wouldn't fly after many, many tries. So he's understandably upset, and starts yelling across the playground to me, "i can't get it up, i can't get it up!" Meanwhile a group of high school boys are on their way to lacrosse practice, and start laughing, and one of them goes, "hey look kevin, it's you." the guy next to him, presumably kevin, pushes the guy face first into the mud and keeps walking, without losing a beat, and says, completely matter-of-fact, "that's not what your mom said."
so whatever kevin's problems may be, i guess we saw today that rebutting an insult is not one of them.
Current mood: amused Current music: Nas: Mastermind
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
hello!
i am in class, and usually that means i try to take some notes... actually it rarely means that. I used to think that paying an exorbitant fee for school out of my own pocket would be a good incentive to pay attention. that, as it turns out, isn't the case.
Here's something i find endearing and endlessly amusing about law school professors. These people, for the most parts, are outstanding experts in their fields. They have been government advisors and employees, both in the united states and abroad, worked with Supreme Court Justices, written notable and famous articles and commentaries, and worked studiously and steadily to understand and explain seemingly inexplicable grey areas of law. Yet, give 'em anything with buttons, and they're as useful as a drunken lemur. As an example, three professors in this room before class, discussing how they just leave the projector on throughout all of class because it takes so long to shut down the computer. The tech is like, uh why don't you just shut off the projector? And they all are like... yes! wait, is there some way to do this. And the tech is like well there's this button here, with a piece of tape i put under it that says "shut off projector." and one of the profs goes "dude!" and gives the other one a high-five. Or, for another example, last week my international law professor was trying to figure out how to get rid of the feedback from the microphone. He went around tapping all the surfaces until he found the microphone, and then tried all the buttons on the wall. When nothing worked to shut it off, he ceremoniously took a mongrammed handkerchief from his pocket and laid it over the mic in triumph. It's probably my favorite thing about going to school here.
**
i'm having an after-christmas liquidation sale. possessions that i don't want anymore, useless "friendships," confusing and disruptive relationships, stack of legal magazines and journals, lifestyle choices i no longer want to support, family-enduced guilt, dangerous habits, tainted sofas... everything must go! No offer will be refused. All items final sale, no returns will be accepted. We're closing the store. No more drama.
**
You know what was a bad idea? buying so many goddamn DVDs. i finish work and i'm like ok it's 9 o'clock i should probably read/write my paper/go to the gym. or watch a whole season of the L word. what a good choice. Usually i'm able to accept that i don't ever make good choices, and head myself off at the pass by doing things like, you know, NOT buying the show in the first place. I live in a whole world of sirens and i had gotten very good at tying myself to the mast. Maybe i just decided that that's no fun anymore? Quaere.
**
Here was another bad idea: reading Anna Karenina and Madame Bovary in the same week. Of course then i had to re-read The Awakening, not only because i love that book but also because it seemed to be unavoidably topical. If you're gonna read all these books at once, it's probably good that you restrict your proximity to traintracks, oceans, and creepy sheds full of jars of poison. In fact it's probably best always to restrict your proximity to the latter. just an idea.
**
Another note on professors and technology: i've had three (THREE!) professors here who ask that you give them up to a week to answer email, because they get emails in the following way: their secretaries recieve the emails, print them out, and mail them to the professor. Who then will either dictate a response to the secretary who replies, answer you in class, or call you from home. what the hell.
and that is all.
Current mood:  hot Current music: Nas: Poison
Sunday, October 15, 2006
So I haven't been posting because I haven't been doing anything. And because I sorta figured anyone who reads this knows what's going on anyway. But today is Sunday, and nothing in DC opens before like 1pm on Sunday, and I have been up since 6. Amazing, right? And I cleaned my room and did all my laundry and finished the book I was reading and even sorta read for class, and now i have nothing else to do. So here we are.
Well, i went to brazil for a couple months. That was pretty good times. But only because we had a good time in spite of Brazil, not because of it. But then we had 3 weeks of traveling around south america. And that really was a good time. We wore very stylish sweatshirts every day. We went to 6 countries. I ate kidneys. Christina got all her stuff stolen. We cried a lot in Peru. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, etc etc.
Then i came back. And now i have school again. It feels like i just got back, but i didn't. I didn't just get back. I've been back for like almost 2 months. And i have done nothing. I still don't have a job for when school is over, and my apathy toward getting one seems to get stronger by the day. If apathy getting stronger isn't inherently impossible. I used to think it was because i didn't like the job-finding process. Now i think it's because i don't really want to find one.
Which apparently happens to a lot of people. When you use Westlaw to do reseearch, which i have not done since March of first year but i hear it's a good time, you get westlaw points. And you can buy things with them. And the number one item is a book about what you can do with your law degree other than be a lawyer. Coincidence? I think not.
I've adopted Christina's new life philosophy of "because." So you don't have to justify what you want to do. You can do it, and when someone asks why, you can just say "because," like you did when you were 11. Why not? It's not their life. Where was this philosophy when i wanted to drop out of law school before i owed like a million dollars? No really, where was it. I want to know.
So the responsible option at this point is the following: cut down the legal carreer from 6 years (my original intention upon entering law school) to 1.5 years. Apparently at that point you get some kind of bonus, and that's the time when a lot of people leave. But that would allow me, living frugally, to pay off all my loans. And even have enough left over at the end to put a downpayment on a house. And you can really do almost anything for a year and a half. Plus I don't really dislike it that much and i'm actually pretty good at it. So, assuming that i can still find a job for next year since it's already the middle of october, that would be the best option.
But there are other options. I could, for example, do what i'm doing again this year, but in another city. So that i get to explore, say for example, Chicago, where i should have gone in the first place. $20/hour tax-free x 60 hours/week x 42 weeks a year = $50K take-home a year plus 10 weeks of vacation. Or, i could just get a normal job. Or, i could do what i plan to do after the 1.5 year legal stint, and start teaching. Or i could start working extra hours this year, sell all my possessions, take whatever i can save up, and just leave and not come back until it runs out. Write a book or something, who cares. Just not really do anything. I've never really done that and i think it could be a good time. Learn to surf and speak italian and whatever else. It has a nice ring to it. Or i could just hide in my bed all day in a depressed stupor reading Vonnegut and collections of essays. Which is basically what i've been doing. So, given that those are the options, it's clearly not the best one, but which one is?
They say this is what your 20s are for. Blows.
I've changed my mind about some other things lately too. It wasn't an active decision; i just kinda looked up, and there is was. I don't think i want to have any pets. Animals are cute but they are dirty and a lot of work and, on further reflection, I think it's pretty weird that they live in your house and roam around like people and get us to clean up after them. I'm not really on board, i don't think. Also, i now feel that if you have children it's perfectly ok to take long amounts of time away from them. This is why sleep-away camp was invented. Kids can get pretty annoying, and make you sorta go insane. I kinda wonder why we have them at all. The world would be better off if we didn't. But, regardless, we do, and mine will have times that they will be shipped away for extended periods of time. And everyone will benefit. Also, i would advise everyone to reconsider which foods they like and don't like now that we are adults. There are some you probably "like" and "don't like" out of habit, and if you really taste them again, you may be surprised. Twizzlers, for example? Are gross. There, i said it. I still believe that there should be no yelling in the house but i'm starting to think that fidelity is overrated and lying sometimes might be an OK way to go. I no longer believe running sneakers are acceptable wear for dailly activities other than running. These might not seem like important shifts, but i think they are indicitive of something else. I'm just not sure what.
I'm going to foxboro next weekend. If you're in the neighborhood, come out and visit. And tell me what the heck i should be doing with my life.
Current mood:  N/A Current music: Black Crowes: Cocaine
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
I don't have much to say about Brasil. It's fine and we're having a good time and most of you have heard enough about it in the emails. But I do want to explain the following, because when i actually get frustrated enough to kill someone and end up in jail, my one call will probably be to my brazilian attorney friends and not to you.
I have finally found a way to describe how it is to try to get things accomplished in brazil. Pretend you are a shepherd, and yuo have to lead your flock uphill to graze. now pretend all the sheep are deaf. and have no legs. There. Welcome to brazil.
That said, I spent 7 hours yesterday trying to buy an airline ticket. Not find it or reserve it; that was done. Just buy it. But, to no fault of my own, it was a failure. So please let me just explain the process I must now go through to buy this ticket:
- find airlines that are still in service in South america. for example, main brazilian airline has gone bankrupt. national airline of peru is grounded because president accused of being drug czar.
- check all web sites for tickets. can only check prices once you enter all your information for each different time option - there's no way to compare prices.
- select one ticket and reserve. takes about 20 minutes.
- email them the reservation. they email me and say they will call. then they email and tell me to call them. call argentinian number. re-route to brazilian number. re-route to spanish speaker. provide all information. recieve fax to fax bay. fax emailed to me (which is where the chain fell apart yesterday). print, fill in, scan document copies, print all. scan and fax back to company. they call me. i call them and leave message. they call me back. they confirm by email. I must email them back. I have now secured permission to buy the ticket. no ticket is still yet purchased.
None of this is errors in communcation - this is the ideal process if everything goes smoothly. Let's not forget the following 2 things: 1) this is the easiest airline to deal with. most invovle atleast to travel agents, and a cash invoice that I have to pay at the state court. 2) none of this is in english.
I know i love travelling and everything, but this time when I get back to america i might never leave again.
Current mood:  i don't understand brazil Current music: Ghostface: Kilo
Saturday, June 10, 2006
So here's the thing. If you ever are sitting around thinking, "hey man, it would be pretty fly to go to Brazil," you should make a chart. And on one side you can put all the things you want to see/do in Brasil/S.A.. And on the other side you should put "exactly what it feels like to smash my head into a brick wall, or possibly a metal pole, for a full week. possibly 10 days." and then you will be giving fair consideration to the difficulty of getting a Brazilian visa, and you can make an informed decision about whether or not it's worth the effort. Once i go live there for a while, I'll let you know if it was. Right now it's touch and go.
In all seriousness, I'm off to Rio in 8 days. for 68 days. I have to work for 30 of those days. The other 38 I have a passport, some essential shots (or I will by tomorrow), a few thousand dollars, my best friend, and a(n ideally still) working knowledge of the Spanish language, as well as some touch-and-go Portuguese. Clearly it's tough to be me right now.
I havent updated in a while... I haven't really had anything to say, and I still sort of don't. But i'm waiting for my dinner to cook and i'm impatient and so here i am. Some things to consider:
- If you become famous, name your kid something normal. Having money doesn't make it impossible. I'm just saying.
- Every time you think, "cooking pasta in the microwave will be an OK idea!", it never is.
- It's ok to buy something from Marc Jacobs solely because you can't live without it, even if it costs you a month's rent.
- ... it's also ok to take it back when you realize you can indeed live without it.
- if you aren't reading www.animalshaveproblemstoo.com, you should be. Kill an hour. it deserves to die anyway.
- seriously, microwave pasta, what was i thinking? it's ok to have the only chinese food you like be wonton soup, and then have to order 6 orders of it to not have to pay a delivery charge, and think, "amazing, i don't have to cook all week!"
- see? i told you my life was boring.
Now, it's time for my favorite game: What am I Forgetting to Pack? Dani's answer is always "a big smile on your face." Robbie, always practical, always says, "did you remember to turn off your alarm and charge your phone?" So with those bases covered, folks, what am i forgetting to pack?
Current mood: restless Current music: Christina Aguilera: Ain't no other man
Friday, May 19, 2006
Of course my birthday isn't for another month. But i just bought my new ticket to Brazil - i fly there on my birthday, so basically the next month off is an amazing birthday present to myself. I suppose you could say, "but jane! wouldn't it be better to work for that whole month? What with the bad grades and the lack of journal and the needing a job and whatnot?" and to you i would say... well, i wouldn't say anything to you, because i would have walked away by then. You and your talk. I see how it is.
In other news, my glasses come in the mail tomorrow. The endodontist, dentist, and periodontist all agree that my teeth are All Systems Go. My tonsils are coming out at Christmas - thrilling. So everyone who's made it their business to bemoan my lack of medical care should be pacified.
What on earth am i going to do for the next month? We have like 3 babysitters and, clearly, i don't have school. I'm not used to having any free time before 11pm or after 6:30am. I think i'm gonna do some volunteering in the political arena, which should be really interesting. Babysit enough to live here, and then pick up some hours with local families so i have some money to spend traveling with my Christina down in Rio. Learn to rollerblade and perhaps file a patent or two and try to meet with some publishers and catch up on a few months of journaling. learn portuguese perhaps? Go to new york or maybe florida for a few days. Finally read the books on my nightstand and do a little camping and finally do my laundry. Be able to run to school again without dying. Or possibly just spend the whole month watching old OCs and taking naps. It's important to have lofty goals.
I will leave you with this story: I made breakfast this morning, and left Robbie in the kitchen with his oatmeal. When i came back, he was listlessly stirring what was left in the bowl, and singing to it/himself, "my homey then [SIC] said, 'dude, finish your breakfast,'" and then proceeded to like force himself to eat what was left. So apparently Jay Z keeps the kids in line for me now. Score.
Current mood:  indescribable Current music: Keilis: Bossy
Saturday, April 29, 2006
Sitting at dinner with the kids, i started wondering if it wouldn't be a very good idea to cancel my plans for tonight and keep studying for this exam. And then i opened my fortune cookie, which said this:
"you are contemplating some action which will bring credit upon you."
Can't argue with that, i guess. At least my dinner thinks this studying will be worth some credit. Dinner, 1. Everyone else, 486.
I was walking home from the metro the other night around 1am and i think i probably saw 100 rats, give or take a few. not that you should ever really give or take rats, but, you know. And for some reason i decided to say outloud, to no one at all really, "Washington, D.C.: would you like rats with that?" as i'm waiting at the stoplight. And after a 3 or 4 second pause, the guy standing behind me, who i didn't even know was there, says, quietly, "i'll take some rats." Whoa.
In other news, 3 things happen this friday:
- Both tax exams done (still terrifying)
- Finish course of antibiotics
- Cinco de Mayo
it doesn't take a genius to guess how that Friday is getting celebrated. Who wants in?
Current mood: indescribable Current music: Jay-Z: Dope man
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
I will be in boston from May 11th to May 17th - longer than originally planned. It would be nice if this were just a bonus visit and didn't mean moving my finals closer together. But it's mostly to faciliate 6 doctor's appointments, and most likely the removal of my tonsils. Awesome. Anyone who knows me at all knows how i feel about going to the doctor... the last time i went for something other than a checkup i was in second grade. Not thrilled. But i will, as always, fit in some fun times with those of you in Boston, and of course my darling siblings - all college graduates by that time! and all with average life expectancies! there are some things to be happy about, after all.
What i want to know is, if i flunk out of law school, will you still be my friend? Because these tax exams are going to destroy me. Like actually visit an unimaginable destruction on my life and everything that i consider sacred. It's like a plague that you sign up for and pay to receive. What was i thinking? If anyone is expecting anything but grumpiness and misery from me between now and May 11th, he or she is sorely misguided. I thought it would be best were you all informed. Although some of you are certainly making valiant efforts to turn that around, which i appreciate.
On the horizon is a short visit with Cotton (ideally, although the tonsils might prohibit that); a camping trip out to Virginia about which i am very, very pleased; and then in 28 days i leave for brazil. What would be good is having somewhere to live and perhaps a firm that would call me back. Also having any idea what is in brazil, what i want to do when i'm there, how to speak portuguese, or how i'm going to pay for this whole excursion would probably be good too, but it's just not feasible anymore. Ramon says that someday my fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants lifestyle will catch up with me, and by this entry, you might agree, or even speculate that it already has. To this is say, "not so, my friends." Would i want it to be any way than it is? No, not really. Although i wouldn't mind having "independently wealthy" as an adjective that adequately described me. But, you know, all in due time.
Also i know it's not cool to listen to the Decemberists anymore, but you can just keep your comments to yourself, ok? I still listen to Modest Mouse too, and only the album that everyone has heard of. And i'm ok with that.
Also i've decided that this June 23rd will be my 23rd birthday. I just feel like i'm sort of a year behind. So i'm taking a do-over. You've been put on notice. You might think that's not really fair, but what's stopping you from doing the same? I say we all get an extra year. So i'm gonna turn 23 and you can't do anything about it. That's that.
Also i saw Itzhak Perlman and Pinchas Zukerman at the Kennedy Center last night and it was fabulous. The view from the Kennedy Center terrace is amazing, and it's so close to my house that i don't know what i don't go there more often. Something to think about next year i guess. For now, more tax law and ice water. it's ok to be jealous.
Current mood: defeated Current music: Decemberists: From my own true love (lost at sea)
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
This is going to be a little disjunct. Prepare yourselves. Also i've been updating too much... i don't want to be that girl, you know? But i do love when other people update, so maybe i -do- want to be that girl.
Diet cherry coke has been my soda-wife for ever. But i've been cheating on her. I've taken diet mountain dew as a mistress. Sure diet cherry coke is always there for me, and offers me something no one else will. Diet mountain dew is just this irresistable minx of a soda; she's a little vapid, but she's got legs to there and you can't tell her no. I don't even hang out with her at bars or the grocery store where someone might see. But she's really delicious. Anyway, that's how i stayed awake today. Basically a miracle.
The sky in DC in the spring turns this inexplicable blue. I've never seen it anywhere else, or here at any other time of year. But it did it last spring, and it's doing it again this spring. I end up like walking into poles because i just stare up at the sky. And although the cherry blossoms are gone, all the apple blossoms and magnolias and camelias and dogwood flowers are open, so there's lots of places in the area where i just want to look at the sky through various branches all day. I would take a picture, if i had a camera.
I'm in my bed watching the West Wing and talking to some people i haven't talked to in a while. I've got new pajamas. And, and! I had cherry ice cream for dinner. A+
I was on call for tax today and i murdered my problem like it deserved. Such a sense of freedom. only one more time. Thank heavens.
Since i feel the need to tell people, strangers even, when products are exceptionally good or bad, here are some things i feel should be added to the marketplace of ideas:
- Maybelline wet shine diamonds lip gloss: yes. if you are a girl, buy some. seriously just get in the car and go buy it. no sticky. no dry. yes shiny. yes pretty. yes cheap. yes yes yes.
- noxema razors: no. "noxema" sounds like a disease. And in their laundry list of failed and miserable products, they can add this to the list. They looked like those fire-colored ones, and they were $1 cheaper, so i bought them. you may as well shave with a cashmere sweater or a potato or whatever's around, because they are possibly the most ineffective product on the planet. no no no.
also on the good list are starburst jelly beans, calvin klein bras, and trader joe's whole wheat cinnamon raisin cookies. also on the bad list are starburst milk (yes, milk) and some bizarre italian shampoo that made my hair smell sort of like dandelion leaves. Also i feel the need to tell any of you that don't know about 1-800-free 411. you call that, even from a cell phone, and it's just like regular 411, only free. whoa.
tomorrow holds a lot in store, including starting portuguese and starting my tax outline. and probably doing something fun too. Although the fact that i'm going to sleep at 10pm is pretty fun all by itself.
Current mood: satisfied Current music: Soul Decision: Faded
Monday, April 10, 2006
We spent 9 hours in the car yesterday. At least. That's a lot of time in the car. Because we drove out past Richmond. Why? BECAUSE WE ARE GETTING A DOG. !!!!
Technically, we -might- be getting a dog. The puppies need to be temperment tested and the house needs to get super-organized. But since that's my favorite thing to do, and the puppies seem pretty much happy, we should be fine. The dog is a portuguese water dog, and i desperately don't want us to end up with a white one, because it gets tear stain which i pretty much despise. So the one we want is almost all black, and named "Cuddles," unfortunately. We'll be changing that for sure. I want to name it "Noodles." We'll see how much sway I really have in this house.
Of course we won't be able to get the puppy for 2 weeks because he isn't old enough yet. The reality of how little time i have before i leave for the summer is setting in. It's pretty horrifying... hellooooooo finals! I guess this is why people don't find it easy to up and leave the country. I find it to be a good sign that i'm doing things right, because i will have things to miss/sacrifice while i am gone. But honestly? We're moving to Brazil. So who can complain? All this will be here when i get back. Including Noodles.
Marc is watching Dudley this week so i get a temporary dog to play with one of these days. And soon i'll have a tape of last night's West Wing. And other than that, my week is going to be kids and homework. Perhaps, for example, i should purchase my tax text book. It's really going to take a miracle to get me through exams at the rate i'm going. But doesn't it always?
Current mood:  sleepy Current music: Jay-Z: Best of me (remix feat. Maya)
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